Title: Westrich
Subtext: This happened.
Author:
Date: 13 May 15 (Wednesday in the PM)
Copyright:
Time: 1 minute
Replies: 7
Revisions: 6
Publicity: Superfeed
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Vegetable spreads the servants made were, as usual, completely untouched up there in the Great Room, the floor of which was strewn with pizza crusts and blue sport coats stained of snot, marinara and shaving cream. All around the tops of the bookcases and over the unbroken chain of portraits of all the monarchs and patriarchs of the family going back to the old world, was splattered the sticky residual of some kind of sugar-water. Atop the shelves mingled coats of arms with crosses, swords and shields of fleur-de-lis, animal heads with white underwear (purchased specifically for that purpose) wrapped over their faces, trophies filled with chips, banners of graffiti, basketballs, footballs, hockey sticks, beer steins and strange wooden objects. The latter, it was said of the older boys of the family to their younger cousins, were medieval weapons family elders would get creative with if anyone got out of line. One of these was actually just a polo mallet, and it was in the middle of the room inside the sour cream dip. Beside the shelf near the door to the room sat a throne-like chair with a mirror, which was cracked, set in its back, across the door from which stood a full suit of knight’s armor, a pizza box completely smashed over its head.

Revisions

Horse » Authorship
Elk » 7:47 PM 26 Dec 16
Elk » 8:00 PM 24 Dec 16
Elk » 10:02 PM 13 May 15

The Thread (7)

 Author's voice in grey. 

  1. Excellent — and it caused me to such a flashback that I went ahead and posted a sequel that only begins to tell of my exposure to this world, all of it wildly consistent with Westrich.

  2. You do have to break up the last sentence into two — “across the door from which” doesn’t really fit the logic. Also, “would get creative with” reads kind of choppy

    I like the whole thing in one paragraph.

  3. There’s not much to be said about the period except that most writers don’t reach it soon enough.

    — W. Zinsser

  4. I agree with both critiques. Those were the words that got me through to the end of the piece. I just didn’t go back and tidy up. As I’ve said before, if I had more time I’d have written a shorter, you know. Maybe the modern version of that is “If I did not have a need for immediate gratification, I would have waited to post.”

  5. This is great. Instant Horse classic.

  6. @god — Have a look at the last edit. Should it be “was splattered” or “was splattered with”?

  7. Nice catch. Without with, for sure. The emphasis is on the substance and the action, not the substance alone, after the fact. Your mother’s English teacher would tell you not to write so passively, but it speaks to the wherabouts (or the whoabouts) of these spatterers, which is everything in this piece.

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