Title: The Hell Out of Dodge
Subtext: Tax day in hell.
Author:
Date: 03 Nov 14 (Monday in the PM)
Copyright:
Collections:
Time: Less than a minute
Replies: 4
Revisions: 26
Publicity: Superfeed
Upfeed:

The desk was an ordinary desk except that it was made entirely of human bone. Otherwise it was quite ordinary. Upon its surface:

  • a telephone/answering machine
  • a pencil sharpener
  • five number 2.5 pencils, each sharpened to a fine point
  • a U.S. 1040 tax form, in triplicate
  • various applications for various bank loans from various banks
  • a one-way ticket to Switzerland
  • a copy of The New York Times, the headline reading “U.S. Annexes Hell”
  • and a copy of Gogol’s Dead Souls

The answering machine picked up on the sixth ring. “This is Satan. I’m not here to take your call.”

“Yes, Mr. Satan, this is Phil Hothead of the IRS. We’d like a word. Call us back at 555-555-5555, extension 555. We don’t want any trouble, we’d just like to get this resolved.”

The bed where the Prince of Darkness had slumbered still bore the faint imprint of his dragonian form. But the Hoary Host of the Netherworld had risen early and was already out and about. There was business to complete.

Revisions

Bear » Authorship
Bear » 9:59 AM 25 Apr 17
Elk » 4:27 PM 13 Jul 16
Elk » 4:27 PM 13 Jul 16
Elk » 4:27 PM 13 Jul 16
Elk » 8:30 AM 08 Nov 15
Elk » 9:48 PM 12 Feb 15
Bear » 8:02 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 8:00 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 7:54 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 7:53 AM 04 Nov 14
Elk » 7:30 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 6:29 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 6:26 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 6:26 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 6:25 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 6:24 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 6:21 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 6:20 AM 04 Nov 14
Bear » 6:18 AM 04 Nov 14
Elk » 9:13 PM 03 Nov 14
Elk » 9:11 PM 03 Nov 14
Elk » 9:11 PM 03 Nov 14
Elk » 9:06 PM 03 Nov 14
Bear » 9:02 PM 03 Nov 14
Bear » 9:01 PM 03 Nov 14

The Thread (4)

 Author's voice in grey. 

  1. Endeared to the persisting 2.5 bit. Now sitting back to thoroughly enjoy a vision of the devil doing his taxes and being as displeased about it as the less fallen.

  2. Check out the link to the Gogol novel and the scheme therein. Then go back to the vignette. It tells a whole different story.

  3. I added the “and” back to the last bulleted item. Unconventional, yes, but it adds a bit of weight to that particular element, which is the keystone to the whole construct.

  4. It’s entirely possible the IRS just wants to discuss its requirements that forms be filled out in black or blue pen. Bureaucracy is a bitch and all, but even the Dark Lord himself isn’t above the rules.

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