Title: The Hell Out of Dodge
Subtext: Tax day in hell.
Author:
Date: 03 Nov 14 (Monday in the PM)
Copyright:
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Time: Less than a minute
Replies: 4
Revisions: 26
Publicity: Superfeed
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The desk was an ordinary desk except that it was made entirely of human bone. Otherwise it was quite ordinary. Upon its surface:

  • a telephone/answering machine
  • a pencil sharpener
  • five number 2.5 pencils, each sharpened to a fine point
  • a U.S. 1040 tax form, in triplicate
  • various applications for various bank loans from various banks
  • a one-way ticket to Switzerland
  • a copy of The New York Times, the headline reading “U.S. Annexes Hell”
  • and a copy of Gogol’s Dead Souls

The answering machine picked up on the sixth ring. “This is Satan. I’m not here to take your call.”

“Yes, Mr. Satan, this is Phil Hothead of the IRS. We’d like a word. Call us back at 555-555-5555, extension 555. We don’t want any trouble, we’d just like to get this resolved.”

The bed where the Prince of Darkness had slumbered still bore the faint imprint of his dragonian form. But the Hoary Host of the Netherworld had risen early and was already out and about. There was business to complete.

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