Title: Saggitarium 3
Subtext: Quality time.
Author:
Date: 06 Dec 16 (Tuesday in the PM)
Copyright:
Time: 1 minute
Replies: 9
Revisions: 6
Publicity: Superfeed
Downfeed:

On the second floor, the exterior of the claw foot tub had been painted acrylic white by the previous owners. Brush strokes cross-hatched manically against its furry shins. The tile beneath had been laid by an amateur. Around the plumbing there were hacked and missing pieces, and the dark grout glopped from between the little tan squares.

The sink, which had been fine to her when they purchased the property from the bank, now stood for poor taste and laziness. It was apparently stylish but incongruent and out of place, with its crane head and bulky unpainted cabinetry beneath. Not unlike, Mandy drifted, the house itself, from the exterior; a French Imperial gem made up in gawdy but somehow muddy beach colors, like the memory of joy. It stands out on the sober block, chipping and rotting, augmented by a perimeter of dinosaurious ferns who live for a three month epoch each year and leave a moat of corpses behind. They are heralded by an afgan of violets and clover, which needs to be mowed to prevent the highway trees from taking root.

The bathroom closet was peeling at every surface; the shower curtain was strung up on a suspended loop of soldered copper pipe, and the original door frame had been notched to accommodate an oversized slab that didn’t quite fit anyway. In what had presented as a stalled optimism, something to take up and champion, she had come to see a middlebrow megalomania mixed with arrogant expediency masked, maddeningly, as a do-it-yourself ethos.

But the shower was warm. She was warm and wet and naked and alone and happy.

“Mommy!” from the back stairwell.

“Mommyy!” yelled Sparks from the kitchen kubby at the foot of the stairs.

“Mommyyy!”

“What is it, honey?”

“Daaady wants to know where the pastry bags are!”

“Above the microwave.”

“Oh! Daddy, they’re above the microwave!”

“Daddy says where above the microwave!”

Revisions

Falcon » Authorship
Bear » 5:15 PM 04 Feb 18
Rooster » 8:11 AM 10 Dec 16
Falcon » 11:32 PM 08 Dec 16

The Thread (9)

 Author's voice in grey. 

  1. This is one of my favorite things I’ve read on Rooster Land.

  2. I’m gonna second that emotion – fantastic verbalizations of the visuals. Apropos foreclosure, this piece also concisely captures an era with which we will have been too intimately familiar, and future generations will only incompletely and inaccurately imagine.

  3. I was going to say: Masterful language setting the stage. That’s all this piece needs to be — a stage.

    But that last line completely negated this thought with its absolute perfect pitch.

    Bravo.

  4. The last line is so totally subtle, and so totally real.

  5. Good ear for the nuance of dialogue. Not just the content but the rhythm.

  6. There needs to be something between the last two lines of dialogue. They’re from the same speaker, but we all know what comes between. How to do it – @falcon, @bear?

  7. The lack thereof was surprising. Leave it.

  8. The first paragraph is so strong because it has no human actors in it — it’s simply description — and yet it’s so full of human action, not to mention judgment from the narrator.

  9. This piece also really shows what happens when you juxtapose concentrated description with concentrated dialog — that is, things obviously lighten up (as in weight) and speed up.

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