Title: Verititis

Takeaway: To be or not to be.

Seat: Back

Logged: 20 Feb 16 (Saturday in the PM)

Copyright:

Time: Less than a minute

Replies: 15

Revisions: 5

Publicity: Superfeed

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It was one o’clock, not on a weekend nor any day of the week that even in college feels like one. It was the one hour in a hundred and sixty-eight that a retiree thinks about going back to work. You were going to get “Thai for breakfast.”

You stumbled into the backseat in basketball shorts, a T and flip flops. Teetering one at the end of your big toe, your head cocked watching it dangle, you scratched your leg and told me about your weekend, which “is still going.”

One of your boarding school friends flew you out to Vegas, and you were “recuperating.” It was his dad’s jet. “Well, actually, I think it was his dad’s company’s jet.” You talked about what it was like, “you know, the one percent thing,” like you were considering it yourself – like it was something you just had to sign up for. You said, “Yeah, there won’t be any convincing these people.”

Revisions

Horse » Authorship
Rooster » 10:38 AM 22 Feb 16
Elk » 4:58 PM 21 Feb 16
Elk » 7:34 AM 21 Feb 16
Horse » 8:04 PM 20 Feb 16

The Thread (15)

 Author's voice in grey. 

  1. 300 to 1 refers to distribution within his friend’s dad’s company. Much different for the who population I’m sure. I forgot to imply that.

  2. Fixed the spelling of “Thai” and contextualized the 300:1 ratio.

  3. I’m not sure the information at the end (300:1) is in the spirit of past Pony Rides. The problem could be that it’s placed outside the conversation.

  4. I could do without the last sentence. At least how it’s dropped in now.

  5. I’d cut the last paragraph. The kicker is the statement immediately preceding it.

    The first sentence of the last paragraph can be assumed. And the second and third are matters of general public record.

  6. Consider, “like it was something you simply had to enlist in” instead of “sign up for.” Either that or “register for,” as in register for classes. This was the spirit of the original comment, and it’s aiming at Veritis’ egalitarian elitism, which simply turns into elitism.

    Another consideration is a comment that could replace the entire last paragraph:

    You said that in contrast to the usual airline travel, up there in that little jet, “I felt higher than usual.”

  7. I wanted to believe that when I got out of such a place strangers would think me smart. Instead I found they thought me rich. Of course I’m neither.

  8. Shouldn’t it be Veritas? Or is this the name of the company?

  9. @rabbit — It’s a play on Veritas, -itis helps form the name of an inflammatory disease. Informally, “used with reference to a tendency or state of mind that is compared to a disease.” I wondered if this would be clear, but I think it is too good to change either way.

  10. It’s not clear unless spoken and pronounced with that particular pun in mind. I’d go Verititis.

  11. Changed it to Verititis and added stars to denote the uncertainty of final paragraph.

  12. Three of the first like twenty-five words are “one”. Consider variegating.

  13. Good observation Elk. That’s something that always bothers me when I catch myself having done it.

  14. Removed last paragraph and superfed this bitch of a whip.

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