Title: One Percent

Takeaway: To me that was you.

Seat: Front

Logged: 16 Jun 15 (Tuesday in the PM)

Copyright:

Time: 1 minute

Replies: 4

Revisions: 5

Publicity: Superfeed

Nav: The Map, Main Page

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You were on a “creative bar crawl” you organized with your friends. You were wearing a disguise. You were dressed as a piece of fruit. To me, that was just you. There were rules to the bar crawl, but you said they really weren’t working because some people just used the disguise as a way to just look as good as possible according to some fantasy they have “in their poor, distorted heads.” You spoke very quickly, even as you typed on your phone, put on lip gloss, and fished through your purse.

You were a consultant working in healthcare, making very good money, but you were losing interest faster and faster. You said, “Blah!” You said you used to like traveling, until it had become something you had to do so often for work, sometimes “three relentless weeks a month, with weekends at home in between.”

You said you fought against your parents’ advice for years, but you have given in, and now you trust them completely, because “ninety-nine percent of the things they tell me turn out to be true.”

You said you were on your second career, but that you felt there was room for one more. I asked you what your parents would say about that. You said, “They’d tell me to listen to my heart,” and I said, “So that one percent is a big one isn’t it?” Staring off in the distance, you said, “Yep.”

Revisions

Horse » Authorship
Elk » 12:57 PM 27 Dec 15
Horse » 3:44 PM 27 Oct 15
Horse » 3:44 PM 27 Oct 15

The Thread (4)

 Author's voice in grey. 

  1. First paragraph lives in a class all its own. I love how she develops from annoyed to sentimental by ride’s end. That’s Horse power.

  2. Change this: “You were wearing a disguise. You were dressed as a piece of fruit” to “You were wearing a disguise, dressed as a piece of fruit.”

    The ending is great, but I think it’s swung more toward cynical than sentimental. The one percent that the parents are wrong about pertains to listening to one’s heart — it’s not a good idea, according to the narrator.

    I really enjoyed the “Blah!” line. It fell in there perfectly.

  3. I can see that — though I think it’s a sentimentality for the simplicity of parental advice, at a time of life when they just can’t do it for you anymore because life’s past that point of complexity. It’s almost like being sentimental for one’s childhood. I can see her sort of taking bad posture and sighing as she says “Yep”, like she’s holding herself to comfort herself, and going into herself at the same time.

    Maybe we add some narrator remarks to this effect at the end to head off a touch of the ambiguity.

  4. I don’t mind the ambiguity, and like both readings.

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