Title: Powder
Subtext: What is that?
Author:
Date: 18 Sep 18 (Tuesday in the PM)
Copyright:
Collections:
Time: Less than a minute
Replies: 3
Revisions: 8
Publicity: Workshop
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“Powder,” Ansel thought, awaking from a dream in a dark room, just before the light. Just the word. Nothing to do with guns or snow or color or dust. “Powder.”

But he didn’t think it. It wasn’t a thought. Then where was it if it wasn’t? The weight of the mind itself, “powder” floated. There was no thing — no sayer. What existed? “Powder.”

His eye lids lifted.

Then, in the pale purple of that time, there was more. He thought “pow”, and then he thought “der”, and these things turned that unheard, invisible thing floating, “powder”, into something else. “Powder” wasn’t floating. It rested.

On his lips, he mouthed, “powder”. No sound. But there was more than pale purple, now. There was some form. And contrast. And with more time and light there were white mountainous, black pulverized earth. Big white. Cold, charcoal.

And then he slept, and things like that happened.

Then later he went looking for it all. And in a chromatic black and white wilderness, Ansel looked over each shoulder, and then again straight ahead with his naked eyes at the forms that lay before him, and said, “powder,” aloud, before lifting his lens.

Revisions

Horse » October 7, 2018 @ 22:50:42 [Current Revision]
Horse » October 7, 2018 @ 22:50:42
Horse » October 7, 2018 @ 22:40:48
Horse » October 7, 2018 @ 22:27:58
Horse » September 18, 2018 @ 17:37:40
Horse » September 18, 2018 @ 16:29:30
Horse » September 18, 2018 @ 16:28:12
Horse » September 18, 2018 @ 16:17:46

The Thread (3)

 Author's voice in grey. 

  1. A little bit of @myna at the end.

    I always balk at fake names like Ansell. They make sense to me if the name points to a character (and sometimes a name can express all the character a reader needs to know), but if there’s going to be no character development — even the tiniest bit — I prefer I to so-and-so.

    Maybe tell us a little something about Ansell, or indirectly point up his character with something on his nightstand, or who he’s sleeping with, or who he wishes he was sleeping with.

  2. Great meditation. Consider scrapping “‘Pow’ is good for obvious reasons. ‘Der’ speaks for itself.” And this made “powder” settle.” Leaving instead:

    Then, in the pale purple of that time, there was more. He thought.

    On his lips, he mouthed, “powder”. No sound. But there was more than pale purple, now. There was white mountainous, black pulverized earth, too. Big white. Cold, charcoal.

    Letting “He thought” stand alone emphasizes the three elements at work – dreaming, thought, and action.

  3. I thought about this. Now it’s coming along. Thanks for reading.

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