On her midnight shift
in Blizzard X
did Eva Ness declare
our night eternal
down Route 16,
a magical affair:
In Hawaiian shirt,
Cohiba cigar,
to King’s Blue Christmas’ sound –
A snowburst in,
she tipped her plow,
then vanished underground.
This is a private writing workshop.
Co-opped from farm to tablet — fresh as of January 2020.
© ™ 2014-2020 Rooster Land
・
Capitalizations.
It’d seem that “In” and “A” would follow a line break, lines of three and capitalized. I’m not sure why the fourth line “our” isn’t capitalized then. There’s only one period at the end, so should there be any initial capitalization at all outside of the first word and proper nouns? Also, route 16 – maybe Route 16?
I’d capitalize every line. I love this.
It’s got a charming transporting effect — ghost of an oxymoronic and unknown plowman.
I don’t understand the metaphor or if there is one. But I don’t care. I think they’re enjoying each other’s New England.
No metaphor — literally this seems to be about a ghostlike plowman who’s chosen a Hawaiian shirt and Cuban cigar for “blizzard X” (I’d capitalize to “Blizzard X”).
Now about that “each other’s” — are we talking narrator and plowman? Who are the two in mutual cognizance?
Also — “snowburst” or “snow burst”?
If Eva died on Rt. 16 why is the narrator’s night also eternal?
It didn’t occur to me that someone died, but now that you mention it. Also, this name, Eva Ness – I took it to be the name of a monster truck with a plow the size of a boat on its nose.
See now this is where one could digress into discussion about the value added or subtracted by opacity. I’ve long been a proponent of telling it like it is. But I appreciate occasionally reading it like it isn’t, too. So where’s that put me but wherever I want to be – and in this case I’m wishing Horse might tell it more like it is because I feel like I’m never going to get there, and what makes that particularly painful here is that I also feel like I’m so close.
On her midnight shift
In Blizzard X
Did Eva Ness declare
Our night eternal
Down Route 16,
A magical affair:
In Hawaiian shirt,
Cohiba cigar,
To King’s Blue Christmas’ sound –
A snowburst in,
She tipped her plow,
Then vanished underground.
There you go – now can you give us something more on this Eva Ness and of going underground?
Sexual connotations? Like Zeppelin’s Trampled Underfoot – the car/sex thing. The narrator and Eva share a magical affair listening to Christmas tunes while plowing Route 16. Or is he (if I can be so crass) plowing her? The last stanza says it all.
We’re between sex and death — so yeah I’d say we’re pretty close.
I don’t know about that, but who knows. The subconscious is a mad scientist.
To evanesce means to vanish.
Eva and Ness also have their own meanings, which together make for some possible plays on words.
Oh, then there’s the X, right.
The 24th blizzard. Christmas Eve. Xanadu.
Snowburst is just a word I made up. Kind of like cloudburst.
She’s just a magical, Hawaiian shirt wearing, cigar smoking, Elvis loving snow plower my friends.
– Emerson, 1836
I thought so — and loving her no less.
Maybe going underground is literal — Eva enters a tunnel.
Agree @bear. I think we’ve been down this road a la the authorial intent, intentional fallacy thread. Is there one? Also, does the creative writer become a creative reader of his/her own work? How? When? When not? Interesting.
@elk, totally. But I see a massive eruption of snow, the earth shake and a kind of a digging down into that tunnel, entering and at the same time making it.
Nice.
The capitalizations come after the breaks, first a colon and then a dash. That’s why “our” isn’t capitalized.
I like it as one block rather than separated into triads.
This is a nice foundation. I’d like to see more pop up from time to time when the time is right.
Creative reading and authorial intent exist simultaneously and are often at odds. Neither is right or wrong.
Authorial creative reading might occur after a piece is written, or it might not. Depends on the author.
Good looking out @rabbit – I might now agree with the block.
I often read things into my work that I didn’t intend, at least not at the time, but that’s just my conscious self talking to my conscious self. I’ve long suspected my brain of doing things without telling me.
Absolutely. The brain has a mind of its own.
I’m a bit of the opposite. I plan the hell out my work and can’t see anything in it but what I intended. I’ve got to get less deliberate, at least for the exercise. Amen to The Rooster for his help with that.
@elk — It is interesting though how two viewers can recognize different patterns. A little slice of biology and forensic line break analysis here in Rooster Land today.
Yeah. No sex there.
Alright, break it up.
Loosening my collar and letting my anticipation build like the snow before a runaway plow.
@falcon – What can I say? Good point.
This is a good read, from first line to last reply.
An all-time classic – superfed a long way back.
@horse @rabbit — I’m pretty sure we only need one possessive, and that it should be “King’s Blue Christmas sound”.