Title: Don’t Let the Bee Gees Make You Buy a Bad Toothbrush
Subtext: Capital choice.
Author:
Date: 21 Sep 14 (Sunday in the AM)
Copyright:
Time: 1 minute
Replies: 14
Revisions: 8
Publicity: Superfeed
Upfeed:

I was surprised to see a brand name toothbrush for only a dollar ninety-nine. Usually I fish around through the toothbrushes for the cheapest quality one. But this time I found one that was the same price as the generic ones. I wondered if someone made a mistake. No, I thought. No one made a mistake. It was just a good deal. Be positive. 

They were playing The Bee Gees over the speakers in the store, and I was singing and feeling really good about things, How deep is your love, how deep is your love. The clerk stocking cotton swabs joined in, Cause I really need to learn.

Aw yeah, I went. Then he goes, The Bee Gees were from Australia you know. Here, take some swabs. I also grabbed some chips on the way to check out. I didn’t even look at what kind.

I was singing that song on the way up the street, eating my chips. Eh, sour cream and onion. I got thirsty, so I dipped into a restaurant and ordered a water with no ice at the bar. A few minutes later, I was having a great conversation over the phone with a childhood friend. I just got up and left. Still on the phone, I mentioned that I’d have to hang up so that I could unlock my door and go upstairs into my house. We often had to get off the phone so I could get out some keys to a door or to start my car or something.

Upstairs, I opened my toothbrush, but it wasn’t easy to do. I ended up cutting myself trying to get the package open, and when I finally did the tooth brush snapped in half. Cause we’re living in a world of fools.

Revisions

Horse » Authorship
Elk » 3:21 PM 25 Dec 15
Elk » 3:20 PM 25 Dec 15
Elk » 10:50 PM 30 Jan 15
Elk » 9:43 PM 30 Jan 15
Elk » 9:41 PM 30 Jan 15
Elk » 9:41 PM 30 Jan 15
Elk » 7:48 AM 21 Sep 14

The Thread (14)

 Author's voice in grey. 

  1. There you go. I wonder if the whole thing was a giant conspiracy to get rid of low quality toothbrushes.

    For lack of a better word, this is awesome.

  2. More formatting oddities — italics built into the line for dialogue?

  3. Perhaps this was cognitive overload — bested in a weaker state of mind. A lot of tooth brushing selection references in here.

  4. Something essential was left out of this. It was the phrase “brand-name.” In this case, he found a Crest, or an Oral B or something like that, which was cheaper than the CVS brand ones. Everything is branded, so maybe there was something parochial about the original usage — some misuse of a phrase, made standard by over-misuse, which I thought others wouldn’t get. What he was actually doing was searching through the brand-name toothbrushes for one that was cheaper or as cheap at the generic ones. Is generic the opposite of brand though? I don’t think so. But to millions of people, conversationally, it is. So they’re contrasted.

  5. Is over-misuse anything like misremember?

  6. I don’t think so. Over-misuse is a kind of overuse, which owes to the over-remembering of something that at some point had been misused, by anyone in the chain of use, which itself could have been a case of misremembering.

  7. I refuse to believe anyone that’s not under the influence of some heavy sedatives buys chips without looking at which kind first. Deep fried Russian roulette.

    This Horse feller is out of control.

  8. You know, I thought the same thing.

  9. Satisfice, my friends. Where there are that many chips, the reality that they are all chips will do. Besides, it’s nice to be surprised.

  10. Classic Horse – seriously consistent with that mode.

  11. The reality is most certainly not that all chips will do. Not at all. Apparently you keep finding this out the hard way.

  12. You’re forgetting all that transpired in Protocol 66, never mind the power of the Bee Gees to please. Point being, Horse was in such a good mood, any chips would do, and so they did. Plus, hunger is the best sauce, and hungry he was. Sure, salt and vinegar would have been nice. But there’s another chip craving right around the corner.

  13. In fact I’m getting one right now just reading this.

  14. I never really considered what this one was about. I was simply taken by its jauntiness. But clearly it’s a warning against being jaunty.

    Strange to identify with the thing being warned about. It’s like going to AA for tips on new drinks.

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